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Sarah Jay


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[September 16, 2008 | 01:49 AM]
We spoke in pig-latin and tried to keep you out of the loop but, ehay told me in the house-ay gave my heart away. Kristina wasn't very fluent in pig-latin.

We held hands, laced fingers, traded shy smiles under the stars and went for walks down sweet-scented roads. We picked out our houses and decided to grow lots of plants in our front yard one day. We all slept together, embracing and entwining our bodies, so tight-knit, one heart beat. I felt safe in your arms, in the arms of that summer with you. The sun was shifting through the blinds and I made the lights dance across the room by tapping on them, I was intrigued, it made a soft clack clacking noise as they swung from side to side and you grabbed my hand and hid it in yours. Light played across your face as a smile bloomed on your lips and I wanted to kiss you and taste love, affection, for the first time. My heart was pumping so fast, hammer hammer, it almost hummed - but I never did brush my lips against yours in the summer rays, only hidden in dark bedrooms with loud music and laughter. All the same, that day sticks out in my memory. You smelled like laundry detergent and deodorant and I couldn't keep a smile off my face as I felt my hand in yours, warmth spread from your fingertips to mine as if by magic and I felt like I had a piece of you with me. As the days turned gray and cold I grew familiar with your hands and they hung heavy and limp, like stones, in mine as we marched habitually around together, not talking, not feeling - but they came alive as smoke creeped around us during the night, and I played with your elephant fingers, making them bellow and trump loudly, laughing and kissing each fingertip while Kristina blew smoke rings into the ceiling. In a way, we were all in love with each other. She glowed golden and her eyes were bright blue circles, happiness enveloped us all like the smoke she exhaled daily. We danced in her livingroom until all hours of the night and ate Little Ceaser's pizza while watching pornography, took long walks and discovered new places, new feelings, new identities. Maybe we weren't in love with each other so much as we were in love with that summer - it held us safe under it's wing and loved us tenderly, kissed our eyelids as we fell asleep in the grass under a sky dribbled with stars, wishing stars.

I wished for you a million times. A billion times, a trillion times.

I've never felt so safe. It was a summer fling - not between you and I, but between the summer and all three of us. It hugged us close, kept us warm, loved us tenderly and dumped us into spring without a second glance. I know it doesn't miss us like I yearn for it. I should have left a Hansel and Gretal crumb trail back to our tree in the center of the sky, but I was so wooed and in love with everything that I forgot to be wary and swallowed the bread whole while distractedly staring at the green in your eyes. We had our cake and ate it too, and now we're all paying for it. No summer will ever be as great or as perfect, I will never be loved the same way again.

All I can see is our faces through the camera lens, laughter etched in our skin and smiles on our tongues. It makes me love you all the more.

I should have wished for that summer to never end because I already had you. A million times, a billion times, a trillion times - you were mine.
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[September 16, 2008 | 01:14 AM]
I hate that my relationships are dying with people and that it's all my fault.

I am not a good person.
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I lol [September 08, 2008 | 11:23 AM]
luvandhaight: omg they totally have the juno hamburger phone haha
floral nightmare: well
floral nightmare: this is the indie store haha
luvandhaight: sooo indie rock
luvandhaight: this shit's sooo underground
floral nightmare: it's soooooooooo obscure
luvandhaight: im the only one who knows about this store
floral nightmare: you have to name six obscure, underground bands to even get in
luvandhaight: i named 7!
floral nightmare: wow
floral nightmare: you are really indie rock.
luvandhaight: i am
luvandhaight: i wore my hat
luvandhaight: and peacoat
luvandhaight: and super cool boots and scarf
floral nightmare: all I wore was my skinny jeans, cowboy boots and a really cool over-sized band tshirt.
luvandhaight: oh man
luvandhaight: you got me beat
floral nightmare: some over-sized glasses, too.
luvandhaight: no way!
floral nightmare: yaway
luvandhaight: ya well i cut my wrists and let it bleed all over my peacoat
floral nightmare: I brought my vintage camera
floral nightmare: and took blurry black and white photos
floral nightmare: that were super artistic.
luvandhaight: mines sepia tone
floral nightmare: oh shit son.
luvandhaight: ya
luvandhaight: SEPIA TONE
luvandhaight: you cant find that shit anywhere
floral nightmare: black and white is totally more indie, because mine were polaroids, too.
luvandhaight: ahh damn!
floral nightmare: and I wrote artistic titles on the bottom
floral nightmare: in my scrawly, indie handwriting
floral nightmare: with a simple black marker.
luvandhaight: dayum
floral nightmare: it was pretty legit.
luvandhaight: it sounds like it
luvandhaight: i wore my plaid oversized jacket
floral nightmare: ohman
floral nightmare: OVER your peacoat?
luvandhaight: ya
floral nightmare: that is soooo original
floral nightmare: I'm so jealous.
luvandhaight: ya and a fedora over my super cool indie beanie
floral nightmare: omg, did you have a feather?
luvandhaight: yes
luvandhaight: peacock feather
floral nightmare: I brought my guitar, harmonica, tambourine and keyboard with me
floral nightmare: I played original songs
floral nightmare: slightly off key
floral nightmare: but passionately.
luvandhaight: i bet no ones heard that shit before!
luvandhaight: hahaha
floral nightmare: it was totalllllllllly obscure and underground, seriously.
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[September 03, 2008 | 12:11 PM]
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[August 30, 2008 | 01:27 PM]
I spent all afternoon training my Pokémon and I forgot to save! It died on me in the middle of a battle and now I have to start all over a fucking gain.

I hate Nintendo. D:

I got so farrrr and gah gah I have to go all the way back to Bill's place and get the stupid ticket for the stupid boat. D:
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Haha thanks Amanda! [August 27, 2008 | 10:01 AM]
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[August 26, 2008 | 06:03 PM]
Good days!

I am in love with eLan.
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[August 20, 2008 | 12:15 AM]
I had a really great day today. Thank you David and Beck and Josh and Lesley and Elan! I'd be all T___T without you guys.
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